


if we keep working we can make it out of this place

by shybear_styles



Series: i know you been lost, i'm glad you got found [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Charles is Sad, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M, This Is Sad, and charles wants to give it to him, but this is the main topic of this piece, don't worry it has a happy ending, max is a baby bean who deserves the entire world, mentions of abuse, none of the awful things Jos has done to Max are actually mentioned, writing my feelings again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:09:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27748792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shybear_styles/pseuds/shybear_styles
Summary: It breaks Charles’ heart that someone like Max, who cares so much about his family and his friends and is willing to do almost anything to make them happy, was cursed with an absolute monster as a father. Because there’s no doubt about it, Jos is a monster; the way he talks about Max like he’s an experiment, some sort of project to bring Jos the glory that he could never achieve when he used to race, is sickening and disturbing.
Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Max Verstappen
Series: i know you been lost, i'm glad you got found [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026049
Comments: 10
Kudos: 87





	if we keep working we can make it out of this place

**Author's Note:**

> The main topic of this work is how much of a shitty father Jos is, so if it makes you uncomfortable please don't read it!!
> 
> The interview we got today of Max and his father made me physically ill and I had to work through my feelings somehow, so here, have another unplanned part to this unplanned series that I started writing during my lunch break when I should be resting from a stressful morning at work, but THIS IS WHAT THESE BOYS DO TO ME!!!!

Charles feels sick.

There are tears in his eyes and he feels physically sick, like he’s going to throw up, after watching the video of Max and his father being interviewed.

It’s no secret to anyone in Formula 1 that Max’s father is an unpleasant human being; he’s disrespectful to people in the paddock, rude to anyone who doesn’t speak to him like he’s a celebrity and, quite possibly, the worst father that someone could have. It’s no wonder that Max hides so much of himself from the world and always seems to be waiting for something bad to happen.

It breaks Charles’ heart that someone like Max, who cares so much about his family and his friends and is willing to do almost anything to make them happy, was cursed with an absolute monster as a father. Because there’s no doubt about it, Jos is a monster; the way he talks about Max like he’s an experiment, some sort of project to bring Jos the glory that he could never achieve when he used to race, is sickening and disturbing.

Charles has only spoken to the older Verstappen a few times in his life. Back when he was a teenager and spent most of his time stuck somewhere between “I think I like him” and “I want to punch him in the face” whenever Max was concerned, his dad and Jules always made sure to keep him as far away from Jos as possible who, in return, always kept Max from talking or having fun with any of the other boys to “keep him from distractions”.

Charles isn’t the most perceptive person on Earth, but as he got older, some part of his brain started connecting the pieces of how Max behaved to the way he had seen Jos treat him and it wasn’t until he was already in Formula 1 and started hearing people talk about Max’s father’s toxic presence on the paddock and in his son’s life that the puzzle pieces finally slotted into place.

He’s always avoided talking about Jos with Max, even when he saw some quote or interview revealing another disturbing piece of Max’s childhood because he knows that any kind of comment would be received by the Red Bull driver as an offense.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to avoid it this time, though.

They agreed to have dinner together tonight, seeing as the free practice days are always a little easier on them, and, considering where they are, the decision to order room service and eat in one of their rooms was easily made. He considers lying about something having come up and cancelling because he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to hide how he’s feeling from the Dutchman, but he truly doesn’t want to do that; he doesn’t want Jos’ influence to mess up their relationship, even if he knows that it will eventually.

It’s been two days since the whole mess caused by the picture of Max with that woman and, after talking in Charles’ apartment and going out on their first official date, things have been nice between them. They kissed again after their lunch on Wednesday and Charles was really looking forward to doing some more of that tonight, when they’ll be alone.

But then he arrived at his hotel and, after taking a shower and getting changed, he decided to check Instagram and almost immediately came across a video of the interview. He feels like the ground gave out under him and he has no idea how to get through a dinner with Max without letting it show just how rattled he is, but he decides to try.

So he arrives at Max’s room trying to convince himself that he’s gotten a grip of his emotions, and, even if he hasn’t, he doesn’t think that Max will notice that anything is wrong.

\----

They’ve been hanging out for a little over an hour now, still sitting at the table after finishing their dinner and Charles is still struggling to keep his emotions in check.

Max has been making the most absurd comments for the last 20 minutes and Charles was laughing himself silly, but as soon as there was a lull in the conversation, which was supposed to be comfortable, Charles found himself replaying the interview in his head and trying to reconcile the Max that laughed about his father’s actions when he was a teenager with the one sitting in front of him right now talking about how Lewis was drifting all over the place during today’s free practice.

“You know… A lot can happen tomorrow and during the race.” There’s a cheerful note to Max’s voice and Charles realizes that he’s had his eyes fixed on the table for who knows how long.

“Yes, I know… Maybe we can find the pace tomorrow or on Sunday, we’ll have to wait and see.”

“So try not to worry about it, okay? I’m sure you’ll do the impossible with that piece of shit of a car that you’re stuck in, like you always do.” He smiles reassuringly and reaches out to hold Charles’ hand and the Ferrari driver realizes with a jolt that Max is trying to _cheer him up_ , because he thinks Charles is upset because of the race.

Charles can’t help the way his eyes fill with tears when he comes to that realization. _Why_ is this wonderful, caring man who is so _good_ to the people he cares about and who deserves to be showered with love, so unbothered by the fact that someone who should love him more than anything in this world treats him like a prized pony? How can he still find it in himself to be kind to people after all the abuse he suffered at the hands of his own father?

“Woah,” He hears Max’s surprised voice, but Charles can’t look at him right now. He raises the hand not being held by the other boy to cover his face while trying to keep any tears from falling. “Seriously, Charles, it’s going to be okay. You’ll do great on Sunday, you don’t have to be sad about it.”

“I’m not…” He can’t even speak, his brain too jumbled up to be able to think about the words he wants to say in English. So much for not letting Max know that he is upset... 

Charles takes his hand from Max’s and stands up from the table, taking a few steps away from it and keeping his back to the other boy. He wants to leave and hide in his room for the rest of the weekend, but he’s pretty sure that Max would go after him if he did and they can’t have this conversation anywhere else.

They shouldn’t even have it here and now, but that ship has already sailed.

“I’m sorry,” He starts and braces himself for what’s going to come next. “I’m not upset because of the race, it’s not that. But I saw something today and I guess it hit me a lot harder than I thought, but I didn’t want you to know about it because then _you’ll_ get upset and this was supposed to be a nice night for both of us. I wanted it to be nice and fun, especially because you’ve been so happy for the last couple of days and I don’t want to be the one to change that.”

“You’re scaring me a little, Charles.” Max’s voice is hesitant and the Monégasque decides to face him again.

“I saw the interview you did with your father.”

“Okay?” Max asks after a few seconds, obviously confused. “And that made you upset?”

“Max…” Here goes nothing. “How can you talk like that about the things your father did to you?”

It’s sort of amazing how fast Max’s face closes off after that. There’s a look in his eyes that Charles has seen enough times to know that Max’s defenses are rising up like a wall and this is not going to be pretty.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. You know I’m talking about the way your father has treated you since you were a kid, the way he’s abused you and somehow convinced you that he’s a good dad just looking out for his son.” He knows as soon as he says it that he chose the wrong word.

“He didn’t _abuse_ me, Charles, what the fuck! I made a shit-ton of mistakes when I was younger and I needed him to knock some sense into me. There’s nothing wrong with that, he’s my dad, he’s supposed to help me.” Max’s voice gets louder as he keeps trying to defend his father.

“This is why I didn’t want to say anything!” The Ferrari driver exclaims, drowning in frustration and sadness. “I didn’t want to bring it up because I’ve heard you talk about your father enough times to know that you’re somehow blind to the fact that he’s a terrible person and you think that the things he did and said to you were because he loves you, but that’s not what love _is_ , Max. No one should ever treat another person like he treats you, especially not a son!”

“You don’t know anything about how he treats me!” Max’s voice is filled with anger now and Charles wants desperately to go back to ten minutes ago when they were talking and laughing together. “Family is hard, Charles. Shit happens and we can’t all have perfect lives with our perfect little families.”

The Ferrari driver feels like Max just threw a bucket of cold water over him. His body freezes in place and he doesn’t even know what exactly he’s feeling right now, but he doesn’t like it. He tries telling himself that Max is lashing out because of anger and he doesn’t mean what he’s saying and, by some miracle, holds back the words building in his throat. 

The words he said seem to register in Max’s brain and a crestfallen expression appears on his face.

“Charles, I’m sorry.” Charles has no idea what his own face looks like right now, but it must be bad, from the increasing desperation on Max’s. “I shouldn’t have said that. You know I didn’t mean it like that and I’m sorry.”

Charles can’t even bring himself to answer. Of course he knows that Max didn’t consciously mean to say what he did, but at some dark part of his brain, he must believe that it is true; that Charles’ fucked up life that has seen more loss and grief over 5 years than most people experience in their entire lifetimes is perfect, or at least good enough.

They both stand frozen in place, deadly silent.

“Charles…”

“You know what, Max?” The Dutchman seems to brace himself for whatever blow Charles is going to deal, but he feels too drained to even bother raising his voice. “My life has been far from perfect, but if there is one thing that I know deep in my bones, is that my father loved me. I never once doubted it and I never will, because he and my mom did everything in their power to make sure that me and my brothers were always happy and safe, and you have no idea how much it breaks my heart that you didn’t have that. Or maybe you did, at some point when you were a kid and there was some small shred of decency and kindness in your father’s heart. And it kills me, because you are _so good_ , Max.” Charles’ voice breaks at this point and he feels his eyes fill with tears again. “I’m sure that I don’t know half of what you went through at his hands, but what I know still makes me want to break his fucking nose for daring to hurt you like he did, because you don’t deserve it. You care so much about your family and your friends and even now you still defend his actions, and I just wish I could make you understand that you never needed or deserved anything that he did to you, because you are an incredible racer and person and you don’t need him to be better, because you’re already great. So if the only thing I can do for you is be here and show you how worthy of love and affection you are until you start to believe it yourself, then that is what I’ll do… If you’ll have me.”

Charles’ throat is dry by the time he finishes talking but he feels lighter now that he’s made his feelings clear and laid his heart out for the other boy to do with what he wants. He’s terrified that Max will reject him and tell him to fuck off, but all he can do is hope that some part of his speech got through to the other boy, who is still standing frozen at the same place, his brilliant blue eyes tearful now and looking at Charles like he’s never seen him before.

After what feels like an eternity passes without any word or movement from the Dutchman, Charles decides to gather the metaphorical pieces of his heart and go back to his room. He doesn’t know if Pierre is staying at the same hotel as them, but he could really use the company of his best friend tonight to rebuild his mask before having to face people again tomorrow.

With a heavy sigh, he finally takes his eyes away from Max and steps towards the table to pick up his phone and room key. He can see that the other boy still hasn’t moved, so he grabs his things and starts walking to the door, finding himself thankful, for the first time since the season began, that he barely crosses paths with the Red Bull driver when they’re in the paddock.

“Wait, Charles.” Max’s voice comes from behind him, but he doesn’t turn around. “Please don’t leave. I… I don’t know what to say to that.” There’s something a little hopeless about his voice and Charles’ heart _aches_.

“You don’t have to say anything right now, but I don’t think I should stay. I know that you’re upset and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“But I don’t want you to leave.” He says with a small voice. “I never want you to leave, especially not now.”

Charles decides to turn around to look at him and the other boy looks so lost, the expression on his face so full of sorrow, that all Charles wants is to hug him and make his feelings bleed through his skin and reach Max’s, until they can get through to his heart and lungs and fill his entire body with love.

Instead of doing that, he stays where he is, a couple steps away from the door and trying to keep what is left of his heart intact.

Max seems to realize that Charles won’t move, so he starts talking again, looking like every word is being ripped out of him by force.

“I know that the things my dad did weren’t the best. I know that and I know that his methods weren’t always the kindest, but he wanted me to succeed." Charles can feel how his face twists at hearing that and Max notices it too, because he hurries to continue. “I’m not saying that they were always right, okay? I know that, but he’s my _dad_ , Charles. He wants what’s best for me, I know he does.” His voice is breaking under the weight of his emotions.

“And I know that you want to believe that, Max. Trust me, I do. I know that he’s your father and you love him, and you believe that he loves you just as much and only wants you to be happy, but you have to understand that that’s not the truth.” The Monégasque doesn’t know how else to say this without making the other boy angry again. “I wish I could make you understand how not okay the entire situation is, but I know that it won’t happen so I just… I don’t know, can you try to see things like an outsider? Try to imagine that it was me, or someone that you care about, telling you those stories and think about how you would react then. Would you still think that things were done out of love or could you maybe see how there was something wrong?”

“I can try. I don’t completely agree with you, but I’ll try to see things the way you see them.” Is the reluctant answer he gets, but Charles wasn’t hoping for much more than that, so he considers it a win. “Why did you say it like that?”

“Say what like what?”

“To imagine it was you, or someone I care about. Why did you exclude yourself from that?” Max’s eyebrows are raised and Charles is confused.

“Well… You know what I meant, someone who’s important to you, like, I don’t know, your sister, or Daniel or Lando… I don’t know, people who are important in your life.” Charles is tripping over himself now to justify his words, but he didn’t think about what he said; he obviously knows that Max likes and cares about him, but this is the kind of situation where you use a family member or close friend as an example, not the guy you just started dating.

“Charles,” The Red Bull driver steps forward so they’re standing close to each other again. His face is the picture of sadness and Charles doesn’t think he’s ever seen him like this. “How on Earth can you think that you’re not important to me?” The Monégasque doesn’t really have an answer for that, so he just shrugs. “Charles, I’ve known you for _half of my life_. You’re one of the most important people in it.”

“You hated me until like, two years ago.” Charles says suspiciously.

“That’s not true. I thought I hated you when we were younger, yes, but I was a stupid teenager who wanted to win and couldn’t handle the fact that you were always _there_ with that stupid face of yours fighting with me at every race. As we got older, I realized that although I had strong feelings for you, it was never hatred.”

“My face isn’t stupid…” Is what Charles comes up with, feeling his cheeks begin to warm.

“Your face is the stupidest.” Max says earnestly. “I have very strong feelings about your face, and hair and basically everything. But yes, you and your stupid face are very important to me. Don’t ever doubt that, please.” He finishes in a serious voice. “I know I’m not the best at showing it and I promise I’ll try to change that, but I care about you a lot, Charles.”

“Even if I ruined our date by making us have a fight?”

“You didn’t ruin it. I understand why you said the things you said and, while I don’t agree with them and really don’t want to have this conversation again, I know that you reacted the way you did because you care about me. And I could never be mad at you for that.” Max replies and Charles can see how uncomfortable he is saying that.

“I did notice that you changed the subject…” When Max opens his mouth, he continues. “I will not change my mind or how I feel about this entire thing, but if you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it. I’ll be here for you when you’re ready.”

“And if I’m never ready to talk about it?” Max asks, voice tense.

“I’ll still be here for you, for as long as you want me.” Is Charles’ honest reply. He has a second of doubt if he is revealing too much of his heart to someone who he’s been out on a date with only twice, but he realizes he’s past the point of caring about that now.

If Max will have him, Charles will gladly stay and love him for the rest of his life.


End file.
